A good communicator is not the one who is smooth, polished and never say “uh.”. Every one say “uh.”, sometimes, including me. A good speaker draws you in and engage you in his talks. A good speaker makes you feel, they are talking to you, even dozen or may be hundreds of thousands are watching. It’s an aura. Start off by asking yourself, who is a good speaker? Someone you appriciate more, or the one to whom you like to listen more. It could be by their facial experessions are genuine. Exactly, all these qualities required for a confident speaker.
A confident communicator is connected, comfortable in their own skin, at ease and natural whether it’s in a one-on-one conversation, a meeting or a seminar. Confident communicators connect to others through words, gestures, and voice. What do you think, out of three words, which one impacts you more when people are determining your attitudes and emotions? In a study, it has proven, these three words are more powerful in terms of communication.
One more thing we will talk about here is “Visual”, how we look and carry ourselves, our facial expression. A confident communicator is someone who’s thoughtful with words, who recognizes the impact of language and has facial expression that reflects the mood and texture of what’s being said. If you are in a conversation, delivering a tough message, what words would you use then to convey how you want to see yourself and how you want others to see you? Words, perhaps, like genuine, concerned, empathetic. A good speaker is also someone who’s willing to be vulnerable in front of others. Sometimes it’s through a heartwarming story of loss or failure. Other times it’s through the sharing of an experience that holds meaning for you, as well. A good speaker touches you. A good speaker makes you listen. A good speaker can make you act.
What holds people back?
Have you ever noticed, how some people who speak with confidence in everyday conversation or in meeting at work, suddenly become low when they stand and speak in group? The person who two minutes ago was interesting, engaging, now comes across as boring, and lack of confidence. What happened to him?
The problem is that the wave of fear washes over people as soon as the spot light is on them. They are just fine chatting, when all eyes are on them, anxiety takes over. Being the center of attention was cause for worry to set in. Speaking in public make us feel vulnerable. what if I say something wrong? What if they think I am boring? Aside from nerves, a number of factors hold people back from being confident communicators. Sometimes it’s the high expectation that people set for themselves, feeling a need to be perfect speakers, never saying “um or “uh.” And then as soon as they stumble, that’s all they can focus on, the stumble, and it can go downhill from there.There are also those people who had a bad experience speaking in public in the past and now, whenever they get up to speak, they say to themselves, “I hope I don’t screw up. And, of course, what should happen at that point? They disconnect from their subject. They disconnect from the audience. They disconnect from themselves. They screw up. And sometimes don’t recover. Much of the problem can be blamed on what I refer to as Racing Brain Syndrome, or RBS. RBS happens when what you are saying and what you are thinking are out of sync.
Connecting with Others
Connecting with others mean making it about the person you’re talking to, or if it’s a group, the people you’re talking to. We do that by turning every important communication into a two-way communication. I define meaningful two-way communication very simply as the delivery of one thought at one time. Whether it’s a one-on-one conversation during a meeting at work or school or in a large presentation setting, one thought at one time, and focus on the one thought as you say it.
Delivering one thought at one time slows down the racing brain. Delivering one thought at one time keeps you in the present instant. By focusing on that one thought, Mother Nature will kick in and give you the right facial expression to match your thought, the right vocal inflection to match your thought, plus you gain the ability to have greater mastery over what you say and how you choose to say it. Equally as important is that one thought, one time allows you to gauge the reaction of those you’re talking to.
One of the best ways to manage nerves and our body language is through strong hand gestures. Yet, when we speak in front of others, how many of us are truly mindful of our body language or our facial expression, or vocal inflection? Communicating with confidence means having the ability to manage our body language, instead of having it manage us. You see, in stressful moments, anxiety finds a way to express itself. People experience what we call Body Language Leakage.
Body Language Leakage reveals our unease and comes out in different ways. And usually we give what are called tells. A tell is an indicator that the person speaking is very uncomfortable. Moving around is fine as long as the movement supports the message. Here’s a tip for those of you who get nervous when a lot of people are looking at you. Instead of thinking to yourself, they’re looking at me, they’re looking at me. Flip it around. Say to yourself, I’m looking at you, and I’m looking at you, and I’m looking at you.
Any time you speak is an opportunity to practice one or more of the communications techniques here I have discussed. Whether it’s in a meeting at work, or a conversation over coffee, be mindful of how you’re communicating. First, be sure you’re breathing. Focus on one thought at one time. Use inflexion and emphasize words to strengthen your message. Have meaningful eye contact. Make peace with pausing. Talk with your hands. Use short, simply worded sentences.
A good speaker is connected. Connected to themselves and connected to those they talk to. All of these qualities come together so the speaker sounds and looks like they know what they’re talking about.